This is my story…

Everyday I would walk into my office building feeling heavy, like a weight was on my shoulders. I would start to imagine what would happen that day. I could feel the chaos and panic as the managers flapped around barking instructions and my heart started to flutter and beat faster. I felt the dread wash over me when I saw my manager walk back from the daily meeting and I knew they were immediately going to tell me to stop what I was doing and start something else. I could feel a knot in my stomach and I could feel the anger rise inside me at how ridiculous it was that this was a daily occurrence. There was no leadership, no strong management and no clear direction. I could never feel pride in achieving something because I was never allowed to achieve anything. The goalposts were moved everyday and staff morale was rock bottom.

I could feel the energy being sucked out of me when I imagined my colleagues depressed conversations about decisions that had been made, kind of like when the dementors suck the life out of Harry Potter. I could feel the fog descend into my brain that numbed my emotions and made me feel like I was living the same day over and over again.

I knew deep down that this wasn’t how I wanted my life to be, that it wasn’t ok for me to feel like this. I knew in the pit of my stomach that I was made for more, like something inside was just telling me this.

Now I could have stopped this here and decided to make changes, but I didn’t. I didn’t know how to make it better. I occasionally looked for new jobs, but I never actually applied. It was like I was stuck there. I wasn’t happy, but I didn’t know what to do to change it.

Sadly it took a while longer for me to discover what would help me. Before that could happen I burned out. I was signed off work for several weeks and I hit rock bottom. I realised I had been living my life on fast-forward, always rushing to the next thing and always thinking about what I hadn’t achieved and what I still needed to do. I felt like a shell of myself. I was tearful all of the time and started suffering with anxiety for the first time in my life. 

I went to therapy and it was my therapist who suggested I start reading again as I had told her I loved reading as a child. This is when I discovered the world of personal development. It was like a light had turned on and I suddenly had access to this amazing world that I hadn’t known existed.

I was learning how to calm my mind with meditation. I was learning how to manifest what I wanted in my life with the law of attraction. I was learning that visualising what I wanted was so powerful and I made my first dream board. I started to imagine redundancies being announced at work. I cut out a picture that said ‘I heart redundancy’ and stuck it on my dream board. While I was signed off work I would imagine the announcement being made and how I would feel. A few weeks later I was talking to a friend and I said ‘I feel like the redundancies will be announced tomorrow’ she laughed at me and I laughed too, wishful thinking huh? They weren’t announced the next day, but they were the following week!!

I started to practise self care and to look after myself and my confidence grew. My self esteem grew and I felt amazing. I felt like I was full of energy on a crazy high and that I could conquer the world!

I went back to work feeling like a new person and knowing that I had now taken back control of my life. I felt angry that employers could treat people like I had been treated and that people would just stay!

I decided that I wanted to offer people an alternative. I wanted to show people they didn’t have to settle and that they didn’t have to accept their life as it was now. That they had the power to change it. They just needed someone to help them find their passion!

I realised I could use my own experience to show other women the life they could have if they just believed.

I didn’t have any business qualifications, I wasn’t a qualified life coach, I wasn’t a 6 figure business woman who could show people how to do the same.

I could have let that stop me in my tracks, but I realised that al I needed to be was me! I had a story to share with the world which was all because of my own experiences and if I had been feeling like that about my day job then others would be too. If I could help these people and I chose not to then I would be doing them a disservice. I would be leaving them stuck in that situation, to figure it all out for themselves like I had to, when I could have just shared with them the answer.

So I got out there and did it!

I called my business My Journey to Fearless because that’s the journey I embarked on when I applied for redundancy. I had to decide do I take the leap and move forwards or do I admit defeat and just stay. I went all in. There was no turning back and I could either succeed and have an awesome business, or fail and apply for another job.

Now they journey wasn’t easy. The day I was told I had been accepted for redundancy I jumped for joy! However I then had to wait 14 weeks until I could actually leave my job which was like torture. My head had already moved on to what was next, but my body was still at work with people asking me things like ‘but aren’t you just terrified?’ 

Once they day came for me to leave I didn’t really feel anything! I felt a bit numb. Everything was new to me. I was scared to be without a job, my business was yet to make any money, I panicked slightly and went back to my default thought patterns of ‘maybe I should get another job’ and ‘maybe I should do a Masters degree’ and ‘what if I can never make this happen?’. So I will be honest and say I, again, set off on the wrong path. I got a new job which I hated even more than the last job (I didn’t think that was possible). I tortured myself for months over whether to stay or go. It was so stressful and I was overthinking everything. My brain felt like it was going to explode.

Even though this was a really dark time for me it taught me not to doubt my decisions, because after 5 months there I just quit one day because I was so miserable! I should have believed in, and focused on my business from day one.

During that time I had also started (and quit) a Masters degree in Psychology because I though education was the answer. I felt the need to have a challenging job which would need me to learn and develop myself and which would challenge me. At the time I didn’t realise that I could get all of this from a business – and much much more!

All of this distracted me from what I was really meant to do, and looking back I think I did a lot of it out of fear. I was scared of the unknown, I was scared to put myself out there. So I went back to what I knew which was employment and education.

Thankfully my instincts kicked back in quicker this time and I quit the Masters degree and that job. I was so sick of talking about what I was going to do for a business and not doing it that I finally told myself I just had to take action.

As soon as I did this things started to happen. I did a lot of work on who  my audience were and the transformation I wanted to make for them. I put a lot of thought into the services I would offer, and I thought back to what would have really helped me when I was back at the start of my journey. 

Once I put myself out there I signed my first coaching client, quickly followed by a second. I launched a course, and I finally understood what my business mission was and the transformation I wanted to help people with. Things clicked and fell into place. 

Fast forward to today and as I write this it is 629 days since I left my job, I’ve learned so many important lessons, I’ve grown in ways I never thought possible and I have no regrets!

Are you ready to start your journey to fearless?