Back in summer 2015 something major happened in my life that made me re-consider everything, and this major thing that happened actually turned out to be a really good thing! I find it difficult to share this so I’ll stick to what I am comfortable with. I suffered the loss of a close family member, except they didn’t pass away. They just decided to remove themselves from the family because of their own issues which I won’t go into as I don’t fully understand them and I don’t think they do either. I did find myself grieving their loss for a good couple of weeks, however then I felt a sense of freedom from the emotional abuse that this person caused me. I literally felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders.
Throwing Myself into Work
My emotions were very mixed up and I was obviously still processing them when I turned to work for distraction. I threw myself into work and volunteered for more and more opportunities. I also worked a serious amount of overtime. I’m not sure exactly how many hours this was, but it was enough for me and my husband to go on an Orlando holiday three months later…so a fair number of hours.
Unfortunately I worked for a company who were happy to take advantage of their staff and no matter how much you did they always asked for more. Because of this I ended up burning out pretty quickly.
I had an amazing holiday in January 2016 but soon after I returned home things caught up with me and I was forced to take a step back. I hit rock bottom and when I asked work for support I received none. You often see the head of this company on the TV doing speeches about mental health and how important it is, but then in their own organisation things are going very badly wrong.
As a result of getting no support I ended up being signed off work by my doctor with work related stress. I’d never been signed off work before and I’d had a job since I was 14 so there were immense feelings of guilt associated with this. However I knew I needed to take time out to work on me.
This is when I discovered self-care, personal development and lovely things like affirmations, visualisations and the law of attraction. At 31 I’d never heard of any of these things before, and as I had time on my hands I started to learn about them. They literally changed my life!
Through these things I slowly made little changes to my mindset and the way I looked at things. I gained more clarity that I had ever had before. I could see that I had become caught in a cycle of working overtime in a job I hated and that made me ill, to pay for amazing holidays to escape the job I hated, but then I would be spending more hours at work and becoming more resentful of the job and more ill so that I could escape with a holiday…this didn’t just start in 2015.
I could see that this had been the pattern for many years. I could also see that I needed to face up to a lot of things and make changes (even if they would be difficult) in order for me to get myself out of the trap that I had fallen in to. I was 31 and I’d spent the last 10 years in a ‘dead end’ career where I was going nowhere really and neither were the majority of the people that worked there. No matter how hard I worked I was overlooked, opportunities were like gold dust and usually already had someone’s name on them anyway.
Changing My Life
One day in early 2016 as all of this became clear my mindset changed and I made the decision that this wasn’t what I wanted to do anymore. I put my mind to learning as much as I can from amazing books, mentors and inspiring people and slowly but surely things began to fall into place.
I knew for sure that I didn’t belong in the job anymore when I went back to work talking about all the amazing things I’d learned and nobody connected with me – I’d moved on to another level and I needed to get out of there. I actually think they thought I was a bit crazy – take a look at the video of the girl doing her ‘I am’s’ (link at the end of the blog). I think this is how my colleagues saw me, and it was alien to them. I just wish I’d learned about affirmations when I was this little girls age!
You Can Do it Too!
I’m going to share my story one blog post at a time through my personal experiences and what I discovered that helped me through them. I want to help other people who feel trapped, stuck or just that there must be more to life than this, to break free, get the clarity they need and then start to make changes to their lives too.
Fun video to watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cgw8OFVHzd4